


Ineffable Nightmares

by Vesuvius_ly (orphan_account)



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Injury, Kissing, M/M, Nightmares, Self-Harm, Wingfic, Wings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-06-26 03:27:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19759648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Vesuvius_ly
Summary: In which Crowley is bad at dealing with nightmares and Aziraphale just wants to know what's going on.





	Ineffable Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> Two weeks later and I'm still not over Good Omens so I guess it's time to start writing.

Crowley held the black feathers in his hand, wondering how he could possibly avoid seeing Aziraphale today. It was no easy task, considering that he had just woken up in the angel’s bedroom. He could hear Aziraphale downstairs making breakfast. It would only be a matter of time before he came up to ask Crowley if he wanted to join him for breakfast and when he saw Crowley, well…

The problem with situations like this is that deep down Crowley knew the confrontation was unavoidable. Sure, he could jump out the window and run back home to his flat, but that would keep Aziraphale away for maybe a week tops, and the thought of ditching the angel in his own home made Crowley's stomach twist with guilt. 

At the very notion of disappointing Aziraphale Crowley felt another feather fall off. This one was another secondary.

Maybe if he just smiled and acted like everything was fine, then Aziraphale wouldn’t notice. After all, unless he had his wings out on display, Azirphale really couldn’t them unless he was looking for them. When his wings weren’t out, they laid in the same semi-permanent realm that his aura resided in. Visible, but only to those who wanted to see it.

A peek in the mirror showed Crowley that his aura was just as off as his wings. It was its usual demonic black, but it looked completely different in shape. Like other immortal beings, his aura usually flowed off him like gentle waves, forming a circular ring of energy around him. But instead of its usual softness, his current aura was all spikes and hard lines. His left side was popping out a good four inches farther than the right, and there was a portion near his right shoulder where the circle broke entirely. He looked stressed, and scared, and human.

Crowley recoiled a bit at the thought before gathering himself. He was fine. He was a demon. He had been through Heaven and Hell and the almost end of the world. He could take this too. He just needed to stay confident. At the sound of Aziraphale walking up the stairs, Crowley tucked his wings away and burned away the feathers in his hand. He took a deep breath in a last-ditch effort to steady his aura before turning to face the opening door.

“Good morning dear.” His angel beamed. “I was wondering if you wanted to...” Aziraphale stopped and stared at Crowley in mute concern.

“Good morning to you too angel.” Crowley tried to act normal, but that was hard to do when Azirphale was marching across the room towards him with an expression bordering on fear.

The angel’s hand reached out to touch the area where Crowley’s aura was, but the demon stepped back before he could.

“I promise it’s not as bad as it looks love.”

“Then let me look.” Aziraphale’s voice left no room for discussion.

“...Ok.” Crowley held still as his angel’s hands danced around his aura, tracing its unfamiliar jagged outline. Crowley did his best to subtly puff out his aura, trying to make the air around him dark and thick so that the angel couldn’t see his wings, but Aziraphale wasn’t fooled.

“Crowley, let me see them.”

“See what, darling?”

Aziraphale all but glared at him. “Pet names aren’t going to get you anywhere right now. Let me see your wings.”

“And if I say no?”

The angel hesitated. Wings were the most sacred part of any celestial being’s form. They were powerful, propelling angels and demons alike miles into the sky, but they were also fragile. An injury in the wrong place could leave any celestial being crippled for eternity. It was for this reason that so many being rarely showed their wings. Crowley had never had this kind of hesitation though. He had always been more than happy to let Aziraphale see and touch them. Even in the beginning at Eden, he had had his wings out for all to see. The fact that he was hiding them now both hurt and terrified the angel.

Aziraphale looked Crowley in the eye. “I won’t force you to show me Crowely. I would never do that.”

Crowley’s body visibly relaxed.

“But there is no way that I am letting you out of this house without some explanation of what is wrong.”

“I could fly out the window. You couldn’t stop me.”

“I doubt you’re in flying condition right now.”

“I could jump out then. A short walk to my Bently and I’d be gone.”

“I would find you.”

“Why are you being so insistent on this angel?”

“Because I love you.” Aziraphale’s voice softened, waiting. “Please Crowley, let me help you.”

Well how could he say no when his angel asked like that? Crowley walked into his angel’s open arms and buried his head in Aziraphale’s shoulder. Aziraphale pulled Crowley close and carded his hand through the demon’s hair, patiently waiting. After a few minutes of bliss, Crowley finally opened his wings. He didn’t bother to turn around and look at them, Azriaphale’s gasp told him all that he needed to know. They looked just as bad as they felt.

“Cr-Crowley, dear, why don’t we sit down?” Aziraphale’s voice cracked a little.

Crowley allowed the angel to lead him over to the bed and sat down on the edge. Aziraphale climbed up on the opposite side and sat so that he was behind Crowely facing his wings.

“Can I touch them?”

“You can do whatever you want to me angel.” He had meant for it to sound cheeky, but the tiredness in Crowley’s voice took away any hint of humor.

Aziraphale’s fingers ghosted over the tip of Crowley’s left wing. Slowly the angel worked his way inwards, straightening and brushing feathers along the way. Crowley stared at the wall in front of him, stiff as a board. When Aziraphale hit the first patch of missing feathers Crowley expected it to hurt. When he had tried to tend to the area himself, it had felt like being jabbed a thousand needles. But Aziraphale could never hurt him.

The angel’s fingers lingered at the missing patch of secondary feathers. A few pieces of quill were still stuck in his wing from where he had not-so-cleanly ripped them out the night before. Crowley knew they would have to be removed so new feathers could grow in, but pulling them was gonna hurt like a bitch. He could feel Aziraphale’s hesitation as the angel traced over the line of broken quills.

“Angel, if you’re going to pull them, just do it already, otherwise let me do it.”

“No, no I’ll pull them...I just don’t want it to hurt you.”

“You’re pulling broken feathers out of my wings. Of course it’s going to hurt.”

“But I don’t want it to.” Aziraphale leaned over Crowley’s wing a tilted the demon’s head back to face his.

“Angel what are you-” Crowley was cut off with a kiss. Aziraphale held his chin, pressing their lips together in a way that had Crowley all but moaning. The demon closed his eyes and let himself get lost in the pleasure. Vaguely, he realized that one of Aziraphale’s hands was still carding through his feathers, but when he tried to turn and look Aziraphale nipped his bottom lift causing Crowley to actually moan.

“Angel,” Crowley breathed out between kisses. “What are you doing?”

Aziraphale smiled. “Loving you, obviously.”

And before Crowley could point that ‘Yeah, sure, they were kissing, but was now really the best time for a makeout session?’ Aziraphale was sucking a mark into the area just below Crowley’s chin and the concept of language escaped the serpent.

Two minutes and sixteen seconds later (which was far too soon in Crowley’s opinion) Aziraphale leaned away from the demon, grinning from ear to ear.

Crowley, who was still trying to catch his breath, smiled back at his love.

“That was spontaneous of you.”

“Did it hurt?”

Crowley laughed. “What, when I fell from heaven?”

“No, when I pulled them out.” Aziraphale held out his left hand, and showed Crowley the four bloodied pieces of broken quill. Crowley hadn’t even felt the angel touch them. Turning his head all the way back, he could see that the patch of wing was completely healed. All the blood and scratch marks from the night had disappeared, and stubs of healthy new pin feathers were already peeking out.

Angelic and demonic powers were not meant to mix. It wasn’t the first time Aziraphale had healed Crowley, but usually any angelic healing power used on the demon was accompanied by a burning sensation akin to a bad sunburn. This time though, he hadn’t felt a thing.

“Angel, how on Earth did you do that?”

Aziraphale smiled coyly. “I thought a little distraction might lessen the pain.”

“Well it sure as Hell worked.”

“Good, because we’ve got two more sections to go.”

Fifteen minutes and one tattered wing later, Crowley lay back on Aziraphale’s lap, feeling completely at peace. Both of his wings were healed, and cleaner than they had been in years. Crowley held one of Aziraphale’s hands against his chest, while said angel used his free hand to detangle the knots in Crowley’s hair. Considering the pain he had been through the night prior, the amount of love radiating off the angel now was almost enough to make Crowley cry.

“Can you tell me what happened?”

Crowley tensed beneath his angel’s touch. Flashes of hellfire and screaming fill his mind’s eye.

“No.” It was barely a whisper.

He thought Aziraphale would be angry at his refusal. The angel had every right to be. He had woken up to find his partner badly injured and even after healing him, Crowley still wouldn’t give him an explanation.

He tried to justify himself. “It-it’s not that I don’t want to tell you. I do. But I can’t. It’s…”

Crowley tried to think of a way to describe the agony his nightmares caused. To make Aziraphale see that he was trying to tell him, that he was trying to be good, but that it hurt too much to talk about. That even thinking about it made Crowley want to rip out every feather on his wings.

Aziraphale leaned down a kissed Crowley’s forehead, saying all the things he didn’t need to say out loud. I’m here for you. I’m sorry you’re hurting. I love you. I will always love you.  
“You don’t have to talk about the details if you don’t want to. But I need to know that you’re safe Crowley. I’m going to ask you some questions, ok? If there are any you can’t answer, you can just squeeze my hand”

That seemed more than fair. Crowley nodded.

“Ok. First and most important: Are you in any immediate danger?”

“No.”

“Am I in danger?”

Crowley screwed his eyes shut, trying to block out the image of Aziraphale burning. Of his very soul melting in a pit of hellfire. It wasn’t real. _It wasn’t real._

“...No.”He finally said.

“Did you think I was in danger?”

“Yes.”

“Did Hell do this to you?”

“No.”

“Did Heaven?”

“No.”

Aziraphale paused, unsure where to take his line of questioning. He wanted to find whatever monster had done this to Crowley and smite them out of existence, but if it wasn’t Heaven or Hell, then who on Earth would ever…

Realization hit Aziraphale like a brick.

“Crowley, did you do this to yourself?”

The shame rose up in Crowley to an almost unbearable level and he squeezed the angel’s hand.

“I’m so sorry angel.” Crowley didn’t need to say yes. They both knew he had done it.

A few loose tears fell down Aziraphale’s face, but the angel miracled them away before they could land on Crowley.

Finally, the question that hurt the most. “Why would you do that Crowley?”

“I dreamt you were gone.”

“What? Why would you dream that? I could never leave you.”

“You didn’t have a choice.” Crowley’s voiced cracked a bit at the memory. “Heaven took you. They dragged you away and burned you in hellfire and I tried, so hard angel, to get to you, but I was too late. I’m _always _too late. And I ran up the stairs to heaven just in time to watch your soul burn away and fucking Gabriel was fucking smiling, but killing him didn’t even make it ok because you were gone and you were never coming back.”__

Aziraphale placed another kiss on Crowley’s forehead, trying to calm his rising hysteria.

“None of that happened though, love. I’m right here. I haven’t left.”

“I know. But the dream, it felt like an eternity. And being without you, it hurt so damn much. So I pulled out a feather, just to feel something other than the emptiness that came from losing you, and the pain distracted me. The physical pain was so much better than the pain of a world without you that I started pulling out more by the handful. More and more and more until it hurt enough that I woke up in our bed.”

Crowley sucked in a deep breath. “I thought you were gone. When I realized it was just a dream I was so relieved. But then I realized that my wings were stilling burning and I saw all the feathers and...and I’m so sorry Aziraphale please forgive me.”

Aziraphale pulled Crowley off of his lap and into a hug.

“Oh my dear, there is nothing to forgive.” The angel cupped Crowley’s cheeks and stared at him with tear-filled eyes. “I don’t blame you for a thing. I only wish I had been there to wake you.”

“You couldn’t have known angel.”

“I will know. Next time.”

“Angel, I don’t expect you to watch me while I sleep. You should keep reading at night. It makes you happy.”

“Knowing you’re safe makes me happier.”

“Yeah, well I don’t foresee me sleeping anytime soon. I’ve had enough of that for a while.”

“Don’t say that. I know how much you enjoy sleep. I think as long as I’m with you, you would still have good dreams.”

“Are you saying you want to sleep with me?” Crowley’s lips curled into a devilish smile.

Aziraphale took Crowley’s innuendo in full stride and pulled the demon in for another kiss. “If that would make you happy, then yes.”

“Being with you always makes me happy love.” Crowley smiled.

Sitting in a London bookstore holding the love of his eternal life, the pain of this morning felt eons away. For now, and forever, Crowley was content to stay like this, wrapped in the arms of his angel.

**Author's Note:**

> I am and always will be a sucker for hurt/comfort fics. I hope y'all enjoyed!


End file.
